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    November 05

    The First Generation of True Believers in Hope

    Last night, I called my father, long after his bedtime, when I was certain he was asleep for the express purpose of waking him from his sound, sweet slumber.

    Last night, I was the very first 'real' person to inform my father that in his lifetime he has been blessed to witness his people moving from the back of the bus, to the Oval Office.

    Last night, for the very first time in history, African-American Parents everywhere, of all ages and social strata were given one of the greatest gifts our Nation has ever coffered upon us, free of charge.

    Last night, for the very first time in the history of America, faith won out over a long held and deeply ingrained fear.

    Last night, a whole generation of Americans were instantly made into true believers in Hope.

    My children will number among the first generation of these believers.

    From now on, when I look at my children and tell them, "You can be anything you want when you grow up, even the President of the United States" they will have no reason to ever doubt the statement as an absolute truth.

    THANK YOU AMERICA!
    THANK YOU BARACK OBAMA!

    I never reveal whom I intend to or have voted for to anyone, but I will say this:
    I did not simply vote for a 'Fellow Black Man', and I will never be able to express the joy I feel at the fact that one has actually, finally won. Most importantly and impressively, this liberating and historic event occurred not because he was a 'Fellow Black Man', no not at all, this occurred because the nation -to a staggering majority- felt that President-elect Obama is the 'Best Man for the Job'. I am proud of how far we have come as a nation. We have finally made it to the promised land of ideology where a Man is judged by what he can do versus the color his skin.

    May my Gods and his bless the United States of America, all of Her inhabitants and President Obama's Term of Office with all the grace They can collectively muster.



    The Kitchen Bitch

    A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her
     5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the
     living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying,
     
    'All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell
     off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you
     sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the
    train...cause we're
     going down the tracks.'
     
    The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We
     don't use that kind of language in this house.
     
    Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay
     there for TWO HOURS.
     
    When you come out, you may play with your train...but I
     want you to use nice language.' Two hours later, the
     son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
     
    Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say...
     'All passengers, please remember your things, thank
     you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will
     ride with us again soon.'
     
    She heard her little darling continue...'For those of
     you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the
     train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us
     today.'
     
    As the mother began to smile, the child added, 'For
     those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay,
     please see the bitch in the kitchen..'

    October 28

    The proceeding post

    Is dedicated with Resentment to someone that claims to be my friend, that I don't know from Adam.

    I took the time to look it up for him, figured I'd share it for posterity.

    October 27

    Malignant Narcissism

    Malignant Narcissism From Wikipedia

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the diagnostic classification system used in the United States, as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy." [1]

    The narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power and prestige.[2] Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness.

    Classification

    DSM-IV divides personality disorders into three clusters based on symptom similarities.[1] This clustering categorizes the Narcissistic personality disorder as a cluster B personality disorder, those personality disorders having in common an excessive sense of self importance. Also in that cluster are the Borderline personality disorder, the Histrionic personality disorder and the Antisocial personality disorder.

    The ICD-10 (International Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders, published by the World Health Organisation in Geneva 1992) regards narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as "a personality disorder that fits none of the specific rubrics". It relegates it to the category known as "Other specific personality disorders", which also includes the eccentric, "haltlose", immature, passive-aggressive, and psychoneurotic personality disorders.

    [edit] DSM Criteria

    A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]

    1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
    2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
    4. requires excessive admiration
    5. has a sense of entitlement
    6. is interpersonally exploitative
    7. lacks empathy
    8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
    9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

    [edit] ICD-10 Criteria

    While the ICD-10 does not specifically define the characteristics of this personality disorder, it is classified in the category "Other Specific Personality Disorders".

    ICD-10 states that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is "a personality disorder that fits none of the specific rubrics F60.0-F60.7". That is, this personality disorder does not meet the diagnostic criteria for any of the following:

    [edit] Epidemiology

    Lifetime prevalence is estimated at 1% in the general population and 2% to 16% in clinical populations. [3]

    [edit] Hypothetical causes

    The etiology of this disorder is unknown according to Groopman and Cooper. However, they list the following factors identified by various researchers as possible factors.[3]

    • An oversensitive temperament at birth
    • Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents
    • Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem
    • Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback
    • Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents
    • Severe emotional abuse in childhood
    • Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or talents by adults
    • "Excessive praise for good behaviors or excessive criticism for poor behaviors in childhood"

    Some narcissistic traits are common and a normal developmental phase. When these traits are compounded by a failure of the interpersonal environment and continue into adulthood they may intensify to the point where NPD is diagnosed.[citation needed] It has been suggested[who?] that NPD may be exacerbated by the onset of aging and the physical, mental, and occupational restrictions it imposes as can most personality traits.[4][dubious discuss]

    Various Clinical Views

    Pathological narcissism occurs over a broad spectrum of severity. In its more extreme forms, it is narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is considered to result from a person's belief that he or she is flawed in a way that makes the person fundamentally unacceptable to others [5]. This belief is held below the person's conscious awareness; such a person would typically deny thinking such a thing, if questioned. In order to protect themselves against the intolerably painful rejection and isolation that (they imagine) would follow if others recognised their supposedly defective nature, such people make strong attempts to control others’ view of them and behaviour towards them.

    Pathological narcissism can develop from an impairment in the quality of the person's relationship with their primary caregivers, usually their parents, in that the parents were unable to form a healthy, empathic attachment to them.[citation needed] This results in the child conceiving of themselves as unimportant and unconnected to others. The child typically comes to believe that he or she has some defect of personality which makes them unvalued and unwanted [6].

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is isolating, disenfranchising, painful, and formidable for those diagnosed with it and often those who are in a relationship with them. Distinctions need to be made among those who have NPD because not each and every person with NPD is the same. Even with similar core issues, the way in which one's individual narcissism manifests itself in his or her relationships varies.[citation needed]

    To the extent that people are pathologically narcissistic, they can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others' needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen [4]. They may also demand certain behavior from their children because they see the children as extensions of themselves, and need the children to represent them in the world in ways that meet the parents’ emotional needs [7]. (For example, a narcissistic father who was a lawyer demanded that his son, who had always been treated as the "favorite" in the family, enter the legal profession as well. When the son chose another career, the father rejected and disparaged him.)

    These traits will lead overly narcissistic parents to be very intrusive in some ways, and entirely neglectful in others. The children are punished if they do not respond adequately to the parents’ needs. This punishment may take a variety of forms, including physical abuse, angry outbursts, blame, attempts to instill guilt, emotional withdrawal, and criticism. Whatever form it takes, the purpose of the punishment is to enforce compliance with the parents' narcissistic needs[7].

    People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined [8]. To avoid such situations, some narcissistic people withdraw socially and may feign modesty or humility.

    Though individuals with NPD are often ambitious and capable, the inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional achievements [9]. With narcissistic personality disorder, the person's perceived fantastic grandiosity, often coupled with a hypomanic mood, is typically not commensurate with his or her real accomplishments.

    The exploitativeness, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, disregard for others, and constant need for attention inherent in NPD adversely affect interpersonal relationships.

    Theories on Narcissistic personality disorder and shame


    It has been suggested that Narcissistic personality disorder may be related to defenses against shame. [10]

    Gabbard suggested NPD could be broken down into two subtypes[11]. He saw the "oblivious" subtype as being grandiose, arrogant and thick skinned and the "hypervigilant" subtype as easily hurt, oversensitive and ashamed.

    He suggested that the oblivious subtype presents a large, powerful, grandiose self to be admired, envied and appreciated. This self is the antithesis of the weakened and internalised self that hides in a generic state of shame. This is how the internalized self fends off devaluation, while the hypervigilant subtype neutralises devaluation by seeing others as unjust abusers. This hypervigilent type does not fend off devaluation; he is obsessed with it.

    Jeffrey Young, who coined the term "Schema Therapy", a technique originally developed by Aaron T. Beck (1979), also links shame to NPD. He sees the so-called Defectiveness Schema as a core schema of NPD, next to the Emotional Deprivation and Entitlement Schemas. [12]. The Defectiveness Schema is compensated with three Schema Modes (coping strategies):

    • Surrender: Choose critical partners and significant others; puts him- or herself down.
    • Avoidance: Avoids sharing "shameful" thoughts and feelings with partners and significant others due to fear of rejection.
    • Overcompensation: Behaves in a critical or superior way toward others; tries to come across as perfect.

    Note that an individual with this schema might not employ all three schema modes.

    [edit] Treatment and prognosis

    Most psychiatrists and psychologists regard NPD as a relatively stable condition when experienced as a primary disorder [7]. James F. Masterson outlines a prominent approach to healing NPD, while [6] discussing a continuum of severity and the kinds of therapy most effective in different cases. Typically, as narcissism is an ingrained personality trait, rather than a chemical imbalance, medication and therapy are not very effective in treating the disorder. Schema Therapy, a form of therapy developed by Jeffrey E. Young that integrates several therapeutic approaches (psychodynamic, cognitive, behavioral etc.), also offers an approach for the treatment of NPD. [13] It is unusual for people to seek therapy for NPD. Subconscious fears of exposure or inadequacy are often met with defensive disdain of therapeutic processes.[14][15] Pharmacotherapy is rarely used. In a review of the literature, one patient responded to Wellbutrin.[1]

    [edit] See also

    [edit] Footnotes

    1. ^ a b c DSM IV-TR, Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    2. ^ Millon, Theordore (1996). Disorders of Personality: DSM-IV-TM and Beyond. New York: John Wiley and Sons, p. 393. ISBN 0-471-01186-X. 
    3. ^ a b "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". Personality Disorders - Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Armenian Medical Network (2006). Retrieved on 2007-02-14.
    4. ^ a b full list in DSM-IV-TR, p. 717
    5. ^ Golomb, Elan PhD (1992). Trapped in the Mirror. New York: Morrow, pages 19-20
    6. ^ a b Johnson, Stephen M PhD (1987). Humanizing the i rock Narcissistic Style. New York: Norton, page 39
    7. ^ a b c Rappoport, Alan, Ph. D.Co-Narcissism: How We Adapt to Narcissistic Parents. The Therapist, in press
    8. ^ American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 1994, p. 659
    9. ^ Golomb, Elan PhD (1992). Trapped in the Mirror. New York: Morrow, pages 22
    10. ^ Wurmser L, Shame, the veiled companion of narcissism, in The Many Faces of Shame, edited by Nathanson DL. New York, Guilford, 1987, pp 64–92
    11. ^ Gabbard GO, subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder. Bull Menninger Clin 1989; 53:527–532
    12. ^ Young, Klosko, Weishaar: Schema Therapy - A Practitioner's Guide, 2003, Page 375
    13. ^ Young, Klosko, Weishaar: Schema Therapy - A Practitioner's Guide, 2003, chapter 10, Pages 373-424
    14. ^ Golomb, Elan PhD (1992). Trapped in the Mirror. New York: Morrow, page 23
    15. ^ Kohut, Heinz, (1971). The Analysis of the Self.

    [edit] References

    Full list in DSM-IV-TR)[1]

    • The Culture of Narcissism, C. Lasch, New York: Norton; Revised edition (May 1991). ISBN 978-0393307382

    [edit] External links





    October 26

    It's Raining Onions, Hallelujah!

    My birthday recently passed. Yeah me, I am now officially on my way to being middle-aged and have out lived Jesus! Beyond being amazed that I have managed to avoid becoming the victim of a homicide for yet another year, woohoo, I am thrilled at the prospects, revelations and gifts that the stalwart age of 34 has brought to me. I am enthused to convey to you how the festivities were rung this go around. I am also pleased to announce that tradition was thwarted and that there was no cake.

    This year, the divorce of tradition was brought to me courtesy of one of the two women that fall under the dubious distinction of being my babies mama. My kids showered me with love laughter and affection. My babies mama/ best friend/ roomy showered me with homemade fudge of unimaginable orgasm inducing quality. Another friend gave me a very mellow inducing legal euphoric the size of Detroit, and last but not least my blessed, beloved Onion took 35 birthday licks with sopping grace and bought me a video game that I adore.

    October 13th has always been a lucky day for me.

    The Gods themselves saw fit to give me a gift unexpectedly. Quite sometime ago, I applied for a Job that I have always wanted. Having heard nothing about it for literally months prior to my birthday chalked it up to not being selected for the position. On my birthday, I got the call I had since decided would not come. Apparantly there really are people in the world willing to believe that I would make an excellently qualified teacher. Terrifying isn't it? Wish me luck, if all goes well I will be teaching at a local collage by January, and starting to work towards my MBA at a discounted tuition as well.

    Now, who says that the wicked aren't blessed?

    This does change a few things though, first being what some of you already knew, in January I was to start working on a Bachelors in Psychology. That will be put off until I have advanced the Business Degree considerably. At which point the Psychology Degree will be what it has always been, my pet project nursed on the side.

    This brings us to our second point, why it is raining onions. Not all of you understand my fascination with onions. Many of you know that I eat them at every meal. All of you know I named my girl after them. Hell I have even decided to make my next tattoo of one. Very few of you however, have been subjected to the explanation for my devotion to the glorious tuber. So, let me enlighten you all now.

    Once long ago in the Land of Far Far Away there was an Ogre traveling with a talking Jackass. At the beginning of the journey, the Ogre was explaining his personality to the Jackass and used my favorite vegetable as a metaphor. This diatribe in the childeren's movie 'Shrek', spoke to me very deeply -we shall procede and ignore the fact that I was high at the time-, it had echoed my own preponderance on the multi-layered goodness that goes well with everything. Shrek, the big giant green ogre, had explained comically precisely what I thought of people in general, and had down it in terms of food.

    Sometimes I really love Mike Myers.

    More to the point though, sometimes, people come through for us when we least expect it. Like onions, some of them may require further study and investigation. Sight-seen is not enough when we first lay eyes upon them, and the versatility and deliciousness of what lies inside may easily be missed if we dismiss the browned and paper thin, dirt ridden outer layer. Sometimes the best gifts come from the most unbidden, unexpected, and possibly even filthiest places with horrid gift wrap.

    Some of my best gifts have come from sources or in adornments that I did not understand at first. Some I have loved at first-sight. I am thankful for all of them.

    My favorite gift, more than any of the others I have recieved for my birthday by far, and I do love them all, is still coming 13 days later. My favorite gift has been from and includes all who gave me something of material and immaterial worth this year. My favorite gift is the love and respect of my family and friends.

    Happy Birthday to me. I thank the Gods for all of you each with your own layers to learn and love. You make my world rain onions.

    This is a very good age for me, I think I wear 34 well.

    Wynter, Onion, Hotness and Amanda, thank you for being the first and foremost adult reminders why it is such a blessing that I have not been the victim of a homicide for yet another year.
    October 21

    Fare Thee Well

    Tara Cunningham
    21.11.08

    May the Lands Our Honored Ancestors Except You with All Love
    May The Gods Bless and Keep You Always & Until We Meet Again
    Ever in Our Hearts, Your Legacy Shall Not Be Forgotten

    Rest in Peace Cousin
    August 12

    distress

    I am having a bit of an issue of late. Loose ends.

    Normally my approach to this matter has always been one that is very direct, burn them off for the good of the garment. Most recently though, I feel as though I am trying to save a favored old shirt that has been worn so thin it seems unsalvageable. I find that it makes me fret. I know it is old and uncomfortable. I know it doesn't look good and is not flattering. Yet, here I sit, trying like mad to hold the dry rot of this fabric together, scrambling to do all I can to work the thread bare weave back into place. I don't even want to wear the damn thing. I just want it around like a security blanket or something. It is kinda pathetic. I am well aware that it is simply taking up space I don't have to spare.

    Anyone got any ideas as to why I just can't seem to throw the damned thing away ad be done with it for good?



    March 04

    half & half

    I have been watching folks a lot lately, a little more than normal for me.

    While I do not believe it to be a fact that is troublesome, yet, I do believe that may attentiveness to the actions of others will end the same way it usually does... with me prying open the eyes of someone. I am not sure of whom exactly is the target yet. so I have just let myself take it in.

    Last night, I was having one of my discussions with Onion, listening to the daily events of her life and those of a few of our shared friends. they were speaking of their childhoods and how they each in their own right 'came up hard' yet would not trade a moment of it for the world. I even, in a particularly extroverted moment shared an anecdotal tale from my own youth -very little detail of course and found myself very comfortable, unusually so, doing such.

    If my dear readers, you have been attentive in your audience, you have noticed by now that I have a habit of never truly revealing everything about a given event or interaction I relay. I tell just enough of the facts to piece together and bolster the point I have pulled from the ether, and at that I do it with a variable degree of success. I am all about the moral and plot but not always enough about the detail.

    I do this because I want you to think. I want you to solve the mystery and take not only what I say back into your worlds, but the idea and feeling as well. I want my words to haunt and nourish you until the deeper meaning are revealed. I want those meanings to not simply be what was stated blatantly, but also to guide each of you to your own truth if possible, even if it conflicts boldly with my own. I want you to live and challenge the wisdom, folly, ideas, beliefs and precepts you find here. Nothing would make me happier in this world than to find that one day, somehow something I have done, said or wrote had somehow changed someones else's world for the better.

    I obviously love attention in the sense that I have published so much, under so many pseudonyms, but I do not want the glory. I want the satisfaction, sure, but at the end of the day, I am a bit of a recluse in many ways. I have no desire for fame and fortune, my ambition lies in thought provocation, knowledge sharing, and guiding others to find what is of worth within themselves.

    After all was said and done at he gathering of friends Onion and I were at, before she had to return to Nashville, in the privacy of our own moments, she asked me a question. She was unsure whether or not she even wanted to ask me, and being the person I am she understood once she brought it up she no longer had a choice in the asking. Her question was a simple one that many females ask, she does not ask me questions about my past lovers/subs/slaves etc. generally because she is intimidated by the volume of experiences I have had, but this one had been wearing on her seen but unspoken for some time. She asked me if I had been as intimate with those that had come before her as I currently was with her, not in the physical sense, but in the qualitative way.

    Her question had pricked a private hot spot in the back of my mind that I rarely ever convey. I had been thinking about intimacy, vulnerability and revelation during the conversation earlier. It has been a recurring theme in my thoughts of late. I actually had to stop and think how I would answer her. Took me a good minute to make the decision as to how I would lay it down for her.

    I credit a very good friend of mine for this insight as it is not my own. I am told I have a 'intimidating, mysterious, bad boy vibe' kickin. So bear with me and keep that in mind as I put this all out. While I have been known to refer to myself as a 'Trouble Man', a 'Back Door Man', a 'Playa', a 'Con Man' and even as an occasionally convincing incarnation of personified depravity and defilement, it is not something that often weighs heavy on my mind. I know my psychiatric personality profile, I am cool with it.

    When I am establishing a relationship with someone, doesn't even matter what kind really, my first goal is to get inside their head. It is the predator in me and I admit it. Now when I say predator, I do not mean it in the sense of 'I will harm you', I mean it in the sense of I tend to view humans as quarry. Life is a hunt, not necessarily for ass or love or anything else as base as those. Life to me is a hunt for one's truth and ones own self. Humans being pack animals, learn through socializing, they define who they are by how they interact with others, not only of their own species but with all things other than themselves. Other folks are a means to and end, that end being greater insight into the nature of Divinity, Humanity and the Self.

    Those of you that know me, know I have an uncanny and a bit unnerving knack for what I do and how I 'connect' with others. My "little s's" are not immune to this in any sense of the word, they are subjected to it more so than anyone else in my life save my kids. I intentionally go out of my way to establish a foothold all up in their heads, and keep it on lock, expanding that foothold in their consciousness until I own every ounce and drop of who and what they are. Peeling back layers, rendering walls and removing debris until all that is left is a suitable foundation for helping them rebuild and perfect who they can be/are. Poetic or not, that is the goal of every Dominant. that is what I strive for with each of them. I have often wondered how many blocks of marble Pygmalion had to go through until he carved Galatea.

    What I decided to say was actually pretty simple for being on the spot.

    I told her that I have told her more about myself in the short time I have known her than I have told any. I told her that I make it a point to a know my "little s's" inside and out, like any good Dominant should. I told her that the only time I stick a needle in anyone is when they trust me enough with their life and well being that I can trust them with my own. There is something about his girl that I can't shake, half the time I am disturbed by it, the other half I don't want it to ever stop


    February 27

    The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

    I have been tellin folks for years that everyday they are alive has it's own individual moral. Now, when I say moral, I do not mean it in the sense of some invisible, unattainable absentee landlord, hovering above you threatening you with the eternal damnation of being cast out of it's -and yes, I did just refer to what it commonly termed a 'him' as gender neutral because 'it' is- gleaming all fulfilling grace. No, far to idiotically complex for this one.I do however mean it in each day has a point sense, some simple precept that it's themes can be classified as.

    I have had many of these days, and many morals to match them. Today's moral or theme was a simple one.

    You can plan all you desire, it may or may not come to pass. What matters, what really counts to denote ones quality of character is simply this... Will you put aside your petty desires to care for another? Are you even willing to do so? It is not a requirement. It is not a request. The hardest choices in life are rarely ever truly choices.

    We are all hurtling along in space and time, bound from within our own hearts and minds by agreements that we make with ourselves on what we consider to be acceptable compromises. These internal agreements determine what compromises we are and are not willing to forge and honor or shun and neglect.

    Today's moral was about finding what truly matters. Those of you who know me real time know I tend to speak only of five things really:
    sex
    food
    freedom
    family
    religion.

    I have never made a secret of it. Those are my five things that matter, though not necessarily in that order. Everything else in life begins with them, is covered by them, and comes back to them.

    I have heard a gaggle of folks talk lately about freewill of all things, about whether or not it exists. My question is whether or not it really matters? Humans are canny creatures, they are predictable in all things and once one has down the specific patterns of an individual beast, the predictions can get real easy. The gods see fit to let this species slam dance it's way through this planet's history for a reason, only they know it, the rest of us guess.

    I am not about the instant gratification generally. I am a priest at heart and in function, but I would be a fool and an even greater liar than I already am if I were to sit here and claim that anyone really knows what is going on. Freewill is for the birds, predetermination is also for the birds. Humans serve one purpose only in the universe that I can tell as animals, TO LIVE.

    The only way to live is to get out and do, to have courage and risk, to rise above find what you love and make it your reason to breathe.

    Told you it was simple.

    Bruthas and sistahs, don't let folks hold you down, hold you back or hold you up. The only things you should allow with the word 'hold' involved in your life should be your lover & your parents in high regard and your chin up when shit gets rough.
    February 26

    Hijacked at Nap Time

    So I went upstairs this afternoon to take a nap because our culture highly under values a good nap-nap to boost daily productivity, when all of the sudden 'there was a rapping at my chamber door'. So I rise from the bed and partially re-robe myself as I make my way to open the door. Upon turning the knob, I look up in mild annoyance to find a happy surprise indeed.

    Standing before me in her favored and glorious purple is my Onion, snow in her hair, with a yellow back pack slung over her shoulder. After a brief apology for interrupting my planned rest, she slips to her knees and begs to spend the afternoon with me since she unexpectedly had time. Hearing the laughter from downstairs I asked my roommate what was so funny, to which the response was "Oh, by the way I forgot... your girl called. I told her she could come over." After a few moments of pleasantries and jokes as I fully dressed myself again, Onion and I were off to the merry land of 'where ever the winds shall take us'. As it happened we ended up in a hotel nearby after having lunch.

    Now, normally I am not one to go into relaying the specific details of any given event. I am a sensualist and a romantic at heart, but I am also -in my own uniquely expressed way- a Gentleman. Therefore, I tend to relay the feeling or impression of a given moment in time. Today however, is not a normal day. Today, I was given an unexpected gift. Today, I tasted her coppery sweetness filling my mouth as I filled her belly.

    There is a certain feeling that comes with a really good session. An odd, highly euphoric, head swimminess that comes after Dominating and rutting in such a way that it seeps into your bones, creating a sense of the world melting and slipping away from you. I am on that high, right now. It is as fresh and consuming as the blood I have partaken of this afternoon. My sleep deprivation, has only succeeded in making the experience more exquisite. My skin is burning beneath her sweat tears and blood, and I can't shake the vision of the letters she voluntarily carved into the perfection of her breasts.

    "His Whore."

    It is strange to me, that even as Dominants we all run through life waiting for permission to get comfortable. Ahh, the product of 'not so polite society', how unrefreshing. I have been waiting damn near two decades for something as profound as what I have in Onion. I am floored by the fact that others that had found her before me, did so little. I am elated by the fact that I seemingly can't find the bottom of her desire to be found pleasing. I am astounded that my most depraved predilections are being slowly revealed as never before. It amazes me that now after all this time, after all of the play partners that have come before and seen the shadows lurkin eyes and reflecting to them what was within themselves I have finally, blessedly, found some one whose dark, though not as explored as my own, can certainly rival it in both depth and quality. at last a freak like me, I can not convey to you my beloved readers, the sense of relief.

    My pupils are flippin HUGE!
    February 25

    There comes a time in every man's life...

    There comes a time in every man's life when it finally dawns on him he is tired of eating the same damn things over and over. Last night was one of those nights for me, in a few ways.

    So I went to see my girl. As usual, I had a pretty firm sketchy plan in mind. Meaning, of course, the high points were decided upon and pushed into the ether, the rest was left up to the grace of the Gods. I had run into a bit of a issue a few days ago, and as much as it is going to sound like a piss ass kids excuse... my dog -Babygirl- ate my tarot cards. Now, I needed to buy more. I had been planning a trip to Nashville for days to chill and spend 'quality time' with Onion, it only made sense considering the other things up my sleeve that we should make a day-ish of it.

    My sweet girl got the pleasure of taking me around her fair city in search of the 'feeling' of my new deck. I was holding and had jet and moldavite burning holes in my pockets to help lead the way. First sign, was to head towards what my kids call the 'bat tower'. Then I followed the lump in my throat 'til my pockets burned so much I couldn't peg when they got hotter. After that we followed the flight patterns of sparrows for about ten minutes. Next the advise of a random man walkign down the street, then my gut, and then the TDOT folks loiterin in a gas station. By a fluke that I will make jokes about until the day I die, Onion's intuition, found the store that was callin me hidden behind an Aztec restaurant.

    I got my cards but that was not all I had gone there for.

    I have made no secret of the fact that Onion is my slave. I have however, oddly enough failed to mention that she was not in my personal collar, that is until lastnight. I had her in 'training steel', meaning that until she was worthy of bearing my name she would not do so. E're'body knows the closest I get to marriage is a different kinda metal band, and after the last catastrophe of psuedo-T.P.E. I am comin outta, I wanted to make real sure this was the real deal. Don't get me wrong, I have never questioned Onion's nature, only my own. She is a very good girl, I do not want to see her burnt on a rebound.  What made me come to the decision though was who she is, how she is, the supension of my 'Dom-droppin', and the fact that I had My lovin Goddess bitch-slap me upside the head in the way only She can. I knew what I was being called too beyond the deck, and I knew it was there. I just didn't know what it looked like yet.

    We took out time in the store, her happily following in her natural heel, or wandering off about the shop whenever I saw something catch her eye and told her to roam. After I had stalled enough, I walked to the front of the shop and moved to the rack I had been eyeing when we walked in. Onion was already looking at the object of my intentions.

    As a sidebar I should mention this now, my favorite color is green. There is also one particular gemstone that my girl looks fabulous in. The object she was cooing over, possessed both, and was exactly what I was lookin for. I took the necklace from her added it to my cart and as soon as the bill was paid collared Onion, right in the thick of the store.

    When she was mine proper and fittin as per her earning, we went to dinner. Now this place we went to, Ted's Montana Grill, is a decent place. I was thrilled to note the bison on the menu as it happens to be one of my favorite meats. Dinner was fantastic, the bevi spectacular and the company... we shall suffice it to say that my Onion was radiant with joy. When we got back to her place, we completed our ritual and for the very first-time I took the liberty of makin formal introductions between her Deities and my own.

    Congratulate me world, I have graduated from ground beef to country style bison ribs. No more of the same old meat for me, unless it suits the pallet. Congratulate my girl, officially now, Onion as well she earned it and Eostre Herself has said so. Incidentally I also love my new deck.




    February 24

    The Femivore: an Undiscovered Archetype -Roger Schlobin

    (Published in The Journal of the Fantastic in the Arts [Spring 1989]
    as the center for a forum on its accuracy and interdisciplinary, intercultural applications)

     
    . . . Nothing is surer than that we [men] will no longer desire them [women], for one does not desire what one possesses.
    Giovanni Giacomo Casanova de Seingalt (1725-98)

     
    Playboy, buck, stud, Don Juan, rake, wolf, rogue, Lothario, Bluebeard, roué, incubus, satyr, hunk, "the Fonz," romeo, babe, lady killer, Casanova -- all are names and terms that have been used to describe the sexually active, multiple-partnered male. Curiously, even though such figures have received specific scholarly attention and social admiration throughout the ages, the single entity they mirror has never been specifically identified or labeled. This is particularly odd since, despite the extensive contemporary feminist preoccupation with the modern destructive male, the figure is actually an ancient, primordial entity and a pervasive archetype.

    Sherri S. Tepper in her contemporary horror novel, The Bones, provides an apt and universal label for this archetype, the "femivore" (222). For Tepper's protagonist, Marie, he "' . . . was simply too good-looking by far, improbably good-looking. He broadcast a kind of fatal fascination. Like Count Dracula. The kind of man who eats women for breakfast -- and lunch and dinner'" (221-2).

    The femivore's essential nature is that he infatuates and seduces women and leaves them bereft of spiritual and often physical life. He sucks them dry, dooming them to perpetual states of waiting. He has ever been the Dionysian swashbuckler, beguiling and faithless. Most often, in literature and mythology, he escapes consequences and responsibilities and is allowed to remain a memorable and ephemeral treasure whose supernatural prowess defies mere mortals. His characteristic departure is often shrouded in mystery (or the story just ends). Sometimes his real appearance is concealed by simple disguises, such as the masked lover. In more supernatural moments, he is a shapeshifter (metamorph) as is Zeus with Leda and Danaë. In all cases, he is unbearably independent (Jung 25) and does not linger to concern himself with the futures of the ravished females he leaves behind.

    Such a creature, of course, makes any sense of love and eros inconsequential. The femivore's concerns are immediate and lustful. He doesn't nurture. Thus, he debilitates any sense of past or future. He makes the most incredible things believable, even Sleeping Beauty's kiss. As such, he violates women's traditional fantasies of security, social and financial acceptance and stability, and marriage to the Father Reborn. He summons to full, passionate life the clay that, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, should be somnolent to insure salvation. Bram Dijkstra, even though he is speaking from the decidedly masculine milieu of the Fin-de-Siècle cle in Idols of Perversity, nonetheless captures the diabolical content here: The phallus, the snake, " . . . with its uncontrollable capacity to spring forward, was indeed the satanic companion to the woman whose presence caused it to uncoil" (305).

    Within the more modern, elevated concept of self-actualization, the femivore is the male who dooms the female to a secondary, dormant life in which she exists simply as the waiting explosive for blazes of inconsequential romance, the state Madonna Kolbenschlag identifies so well through her descriptions of the "formula female" and the "other-oriented female" in Kiss Sleeping-Beauty Good-Bye: Breaking the Spell of Feminine Myths and Models. Within the carnal present the femivore creates, his pagan lure is irresistible, and he is a creature of fantasy at its most extreme, both immature and foolish.

    From this definition, it would be easy enough to label the femivore as misogynist and wastrel: indifferent to humanity in women, insensitive and irresponsible to all but himself. He might slide smoothly into the concept of intercourse as a punishing tool to which men subject women, as Andrea Dworkin indicates in her novel Fire and Ice and nonfiction work Intercourse. At worst, literary types like the vampire, the demon lover (incubus), and Svengali figure come to mind, destructive in their possessiveness, diabolically and seminally evil. As such, the purposeful femivore is the ugly inversion of the father (Frye's false father [199]) who must discard his daughters and who remains ever out of reach, poisoning all future encounters. This is, of course, the curse of Terisa's father in Stephen R. Donaldson's The Mirror of Her Dreams and A Man Rides Through, Mordant's Need. In Western European culture, the penultimate illustration of this occurs in Eden. It is sadly indicative of masculine-dominated perceptions that, for centuries, no one seems to have cared that Eve is seduced first by a masculine numen, Lucifer/Satan; only then does Adam fall victim to her "feminine wiles." One of history's cruelest stupidities is that the blatant scapegoating of the first step has been ignored. Other examples of the rampaging male echo throughout literature, popular culture, and folklore: the callousness of the seducers in Samuel Richardson's Pamela and Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, the destructiveness in The Thousand Nights and One Night and of Bluebeard, and the indifference in Geoffrey Chaucer's "Clerk's Tale" and the films Gone with the Wind, Looking for Mr. Goodbar, and American Gigolo.

    However, unlike his female counterparts, the nixie (Jung 25) and the Maenad, and the obvious male villains (i.e., the vampire), the femivore is rarely presented or perceived as evil, especially by those he victimizes and those who chronicle and relish his conquests. As such, he is deceptive. In fact, he is a prime example of incarnate social fantasy and its duality. Objectively, he is a fleeting parasite who should be anathema to all women. Yet, even among the intelligent and enlightened, he is the shaman of swoons and utter devotion, much like Michael Valentine Smith in Robert A. Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land. He is misconceived as mischievous, even non-threateningly boyish. His charm is, in part, like the fauns', those playful demigods who flip skirts and pinch bottoms. Deeply insidious, if not fully disguised by the cloak of socialized fantasy, the femivore is not relevant to the battles between the sexes upon which Sandra M. Gilbert and Susan Gubar focus ("Sex Wars . . ." passim; No Man's passim). No, between the ever-adolescent femivore and his welcoming female, there is no struggle, only submission, in their willing bondings. This is no game of Ombre, mock or otherwise. Indeed, the femivore as archetype and social role model has lead numerous adolescent males through the rite of passage of casual sex (sport fucking) -- the "find 'em, feel 'em, fuck 'em, forget 'em" pattern. He is what C. G. Jung calls the "original Man," the one-sided sexual being (Jung 71) who is all animus and no anima.

    More expansively, the dreams, behaviors, and rites of passage of misguided and excessively socialized women ("Wendys") and ever-adolescent males ("Peter Pans") are mirrors of the frequently romanticized femivore when he serves as admirable male paragon and vision of transformation (e.g., Cinderella) and she as desirable female companion. This archetypal pattern is obvious in the contemporary bodice rippers known as Harlequin or gothic romances. Amid the mundane, the femivore festers as an accepted and falsely innocuous part of life's furniture and automatically assumed fantasies. He need not be obvious or even deliberate. Like Isaac Asimov's Mule in Foundation and Empire, the femivore and his rapturous female victims only acquire consciences and guilt if they ever become aware of the true nature of their desires and couplings. Social acceptance prevents this from happening, either in the minds of artistic creators or characters. The femivore and victim celebrate an unconscious subjugation to the rite of sexual ruination. He is seduction without fruition. It is his nature to leave -- fidelity is beyond his abilities -- and while the female may empirically know this, she refuses emotionally to acknowledge it, choosing instead to consecrate and consummate herself to oblivion.

    The cause of the femivore's vitality is clear. He is bound irrevocably to many materializations of the hero, even when he is the "lovable bastard." Normal people are always helpless before heroes, and women are expected to fawn into sexual surrender before these conquerors as they continually move from feat to trial, leaving broken hearts (and devastated psyches and self-concepts) scattered behind them. Thus, one necessary task in the recognition of the femivore is to reassess definitions of the heroic with an eye on its exploitative nature. In this, the hero may be a subtle, likable, socially enviable, and glamorous rapist, for whom beguilement replaces force.

    Bram Dijkstra offers a striking, carnal description of the relationship between the femivore and the pliable woman:

    The virgin and the whore, the saint and the vampire -- two designations for a single dualistic opposition: that of woman as man's exclusive and forever pliable private property, on the one hand, and her transformation, upon her denial of man's ownership rights to her, into a polyandrous predator indiscriminately lusting after man's social essence, on the other (334).

    Nina Auerbach's justification for the inevitable conquest of the femivore, in Woman and the Devil: The Life of a Victorian Myth, is more psychological and civilized: femivores "are endowed with a magic beyond their own; they possess the secret tradition of the culture," within which "the women they captivate seem not just enfeebled but culturally naked" (16).

    As compelling and engaging as Dijkastra's and Auerbach's descriptions are, they fail because they do not plumb the depths that an archetype involves. Both the femivore and his willing victims are, indeed, fonts for the astonishing mythological histories of the virgin birth and the birth of the hero. The "secret tradition" to which Auerbach mysteriously alludes is really not arcane; rather, it is the mythic legacy of humanity's long primordial traditions surrounding human women experiencing supernatural impregnation, being the vehicles for virgin births, and bearing heroes and gods. These events are made of the very essences of magic and functional fantasy. By definition, the amorous visitations of frolicking, anthropomorphic deities are a "psychic genesis"; everything about them must be non-empirical and of the "highest good" (Jung 166). The lusty visitations of these "Invisible Unknowns" (Campbell Hero, 297) and "Expected Ones" (Kolbenschlag 108) embody all the "other-centered" female fantasies of the perfect child, the hero-son, and ultimate fulfillment of fruition. Consider the following wonder children, selected for their chronological and geographic indicativeness, that fill human history and bear testament to the beneficent visitations of benevolent femivores: the Babylonian Sargon I; the Hindu Krishna; the Summerian Tammuz; the Toltec Quetzalcoatl (Campbell, Primitive 457); the Black Feet Little Star; the Roman Romulus and Remus; the Greek Perseus, Hercules, and Telephus; the Aztec Coatliuce; the Tongaese Fatai-going-underneath-sandlewood (Campbell Hero, 312); the Persian Zoroaster; and the Christian Christ. In light of these divine gifts, is it too surprising that women, throughout history, have yearningly awaited the carnal embraces of the Egyptian Ra/Re (Campbell Oriental, 98-100), the Christian Holy Ghost, the Irish Lovetalker (Duffy 47), the Greek Zeus, the German Odin and Loki, the Toltec All-Father, the Eskimo Bird-Phantom who seduces Sédna, the Black Feet Morning Star, and even the pedestrian knight-errant? If these circumstances seem too provincial or archaic to modern audiences, recently, the growing Elvis Presley cult has given rise to reports of virgin births and spiritual intercourse, demonstrating the continuing vitality of this mythology. In addition, the activities and supplicatory oblations of female rock and athletic groupies have often been chronicled. Such celebrity rites of sexual surrender prove only too well that each age worships its own gods.

    This willingness to wait for transformation by an external, magic force has plagued women throughout time (Dijkstra 318). It illustrates the religious phenomenon of awe, the state of blind belief in and obedience to appearances and fixed ideas that have been distilled and instilled by religious and social dogma. This continuing, ritual participation is what Joseph Campbell identifies as surrender by general humanity to a system of "historically conditioned sentiments, activities, and beliefs . . ." (Primitive 462). Women are particularly susceptible to such submissions because of the traditional social and spiritual oppression and exploitation that they have suffered for ages and continue to suffer. As Kolbenschlag observes:

    If Don Juan is the archetypal male aesthete [from Kierkegarrd in Either/Or as the life characterized by immersion in the immediate; the "accidental person"], his victims are archetypal female aesthetes. "To seduce all girls is the masculine expression of the feminine yearning to let herself be seduced once and with all her heart and soul." Thus, the absence of commitment to the self, the compulsion to "live for another," to be psychically annihilated and controlled by someone beyond the self -- common symptoms of female psychology -- are the characteristics of the minimal level of spiritual existence. This level of existence is marked by illusion, since power over oneself has been given over to someone outside oneself (24).

    The femivore's false promises are the expectations of power and the acquisition of magic. Contemporary manifestations of women's frustrated need for power are, of course, the "shopping syndrome" (Kolbenschlag 17-18) and, from the realm of the cinema, the recent films that demonstrate the power of older women over younger, Dionysian men, such as A Night in Heaven, In Praise of Older Women, and In the Mood, the last supposedly the true story of the teen-age Woo Woo Kid, who married older women with the best of intentions. Thus, the silver screen contends that there is now even hope for middle-aged women, who have lived beyond the socially acceptable standard of beauty, to redeem their "barren" lives. Tania Modleski, in Loving with a Vengeance: Mass-Produced Fantasies for Women, provides a model2 that yields further and more penetrating insight into this "power" that women seek in their bondings with femivores in her examination of the Harlequin romance and its link to the nineteenth-century traditions of Samuel Richardson, Charlotte Brontë (Jane Eyre), and Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice). Modleski describes the male-female interaction as follows: the male, older protagonist is ". . . mocking, cynical, contemptuous, often hostile, and even somewhat brutal. By the end, however, all misunderstandings are cleared away, and the hero reveals his love for the heroine, who reciprocates" (36). What Modleski's description of an enormously popular female myth shows is that women are not only awaiting transformation but are also seeking the godlike power to transform. This is common enough, and it is the rare individual that has not seen women enter into relationships with debilitating men with clear visions of "fixing" them and "mending their ways" once single males become husbands (a desire that frustration will often transfer to male children). Thus, women do seek the roles of priestess and shaper, not just generatrix.

    Yet, historically, women's power to transform and their compulsions to be transformed are rarely realized in their interactions with "significant" males. The femivore, divine child, and virgin birth demonstrate women's secondary priorities to visitations from male deities and to greater wonders and magic. In the literature, art, theology, folklore, and mythology of the femivore, women are rarely more than vessels that gain little except passing interest from their creators and lovers. Women fade away or into the background before the grandeurs of great goodness and omnipotent causes. An obvious illustration of this is Mary, who is but a pale and emasculated version of her historic antecedent, the Earth Mother/Mother Goddess (Kolbenschlag 186).

    Why the femivore himself behaves as he does could be easily dismissed with superficial psychology. For example, he suffers from satyriasis, the socially approved form of nymphomania. He is insecure or lonely. He fears imprisonment, the feminine power of engulfment, and the loss of power. Certainly, there is something to all of this (if only from the viewpoint of active and functional rationalizations), and femivorism does lead so many males to spiritually and emotionally destructive and barren existences.

    From social and psychological perspectives, however, to leave the causes of the vitality of the femivore to either sex is gravely erroneous. His existence requires a conspiracy and a mutual acquiescence from both sexes. The couplings of femivores and victims repeat archetypal patterns in which they both seek individually and mutually destructive power. Most curiously, there is false pride and hope that derives from participating, that somehow this ageless conspiracy brings the divine into the mortal. Such repetitive sacrifices of the flesh and the psyche throughout all human history and art point to the great danger of ignorance and insensitivity. Those who do not understand can only mirror and repeat. Life happens to them, and femivore and victim both denigrate what it means to be human.

    From the more positive perspective of literary criticism, the exploration of the femivore and other archetypes demonstrate how critical the interdisciplinary and international "fantastic sensibility" can be to revisioning art and thought. By deviating sharply from traditional intellectual restrictions of time and field, it uncovers not only the subtle, but the obvious, thereby creating new epistemologies. Indeed, by their very natures, archetypal images are stunningly obvious once articulated. What remains for the femivore and other such "new" discoveries is to view and test them on the broadest possible stage of history and knowledge. If they are legitimate and essential parts of the past and future of the human condition, they should appear over and over again across the full spectrum of both the mundane and the lofty activities of people and artists as they play out their lives.

     

    NOTES

      1A shorter version of this paper was originally presented at the Ninth International Conference for the Fantastic in the Arts. I am indebted to the numerous and generous observations and suggestions that its presentation inspired, especially to those of Kathryn Hume, Carl B. Yoke, and Veronica Hollinger.

    2While this male-female mythology may be a potent modern force, its antiquity is unquestioned. Beside all appropriate material surrounding heroic art, Chaucer's "Clerk's Tale" is almost a perfect match for the "modern" Harlequin romance.

     

    WORKS CITED

    Auerbach, Nina. Woman and the Devil: The Life of a Victorian Myth. Cambridge: Harvard UP, 1982.

    Campbell, Joseph. The Hero with a Thousand Faces. 1949. Cleveland and New York: Meridian, 1956.

    _____. Oriental Mythology: The Masks of God. New York: Viking-Penguin, 1962.

    _____. Primitive Mythology: The Masks of God. Rev. ed. New York: Viking-Penguin, 1969.

    Dijkstra, Bram. Idols of Perversity: Fantasies of Female Evil in Fin-de-Siècle Culture. New York and Oxford: Oxford UP, 1986.

    Duffy, Maureen. The Erotic World of Faery. New York: Avon-Discus, 1980.

    Frye, Northrop. Anatomy of Criticism: Four Essays. Princeton, NJ: Princeton UP, 1957.

    Gilbert, Sandra M., and Susan Gubar. No Man's Land: The Place of the Woman Writer in the Twentieth Century. Volume One: The War of the Words. New Haven: Yale UP, 1987.

    _____. "Sex Wars: Not the Funkind." New York Times Book Review 27 December 1987: 20-21, 23.

    Jung, C. G. The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. Trans. R. F. C. Hull. 2nd ed. Collected Works of C. G. Jung. 9, i. Princeton: Princeton UP, 1968.

    Kolbenschlag, Madonna. Kiss Sleeping-Beauty Good-Bye: Breaking the Spell of Feminine Myths and Models. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1979; rpt. Toronto: Bantam, 1981.

    Modleski, Tania. Loving with a Vengeance: Mass-Produced Fantasties for Women. Hamden, CT: Archon-Shoe String, 1982.

    Rank, Otto. The Myth of the Birth of the Hero and other Writings. Ed. Philip Freund. New York: Random-Vintage, 1959.

    Tepper, Sheri S. The Bones. New York: Tor, 1987.

    February 22

    War Goddess: The Varga Girls, WWII & Feminism- Maria Buszek

    The pin-up girl has a bad reputation. Spawned ever-so-subtly out of the academic painting tradition, and not-so-innocently out of the pages of the National Police Gazette, the pin-up as we have come to know her in the twentieth century blossomed in the men's magazines of the late 1930s and '40s, as epitomized in Esquire's illustrated pin-ups by Alberto Vargas.

    Vargas' fantasy women captured the American imagination during the Second World War; both naughty and nice, the "Varga Girls" were women that men wanted to worship and women wanted to emulate. Vargas' pin-ups popularly idealized an unusually self-aware female sexuality that had previously been viewed in negative representations of the popular pornographic female or the "high art" femme fatale. However, with the rise of feminist thought since the postwar era, it is difficult for the late twentieth-century viewer to consider such images without cynicism. From Laura Mulvey's psychoanalytical construction of the "masculine gaze" to Andrea Dworkin and Katharine MacKinnon's continuous appeals to broaden the cultural and legal definition of pornography, the wide range of feminist discourse on the ways in which women are manipulated and victimized through various cultural representations has unquestionably affected the way in which individuals tend to interpret the pin-up today.

    My interest in investigating the origins and interpretations of the pin-up stem from the fact that many feminist authors from writer Susie Bright to rockers Seven Year Bitch, performance artist Annie Sprinkle to pop icon Madonna have adopted the iconography of the pin-up genre in their image and art. In such recent feminist art and performance, the American pin-up seems to have provided women with a visual and performative source of female power that many feminist interpretations have often denied such imagery. As the Varga Girl has unquestionably cemented the definition of what it means to be a "pin-up" in the realm of female imagery, my investigation led me to question what it was about her specific role, and the boom of popular pin-up imagery that she ushered in during the Second World War, that has helped lead to readings of the pin-up as a model for sexual empowerment and agency for many contemporary feminists. In searching to define the context in which she was created and emulated, I found that the Varga Girl was constructed and received as a modern war goddess, both inspired by and inspirational toward the shifting roles of women in American society during WWII. As such, the Varga Girl can be read as an icon for this powerful if fleeting moment in American history.

    The modern pin-up, as Abigail Solomon-Godeau has written, has its origins in the nineteenth century, at the moment when the bourgeois interest in female spectacle and modern reproductive techniques in print and photographic imagery converged. Moving the image of the sexualized female away from both explicit pornographic representation and allegorical academic pretenses, what emerged was what Solomon-Godeau calls: "an image type....predicated on the relative isolation of its feminine motif through the reduction or outright elimination of narrative, literary, or mythological allusion....[and a] decontextualization, reduction or distillation of the image of femininity to a subject in and of itself."(1) The genre which emerged was one which focused on the implicit sexuality of the contemporary female, where a representational distinction was made from privately and guardedly consumed pornography through the conscious elimination or strategic covering of the genital area and artful posing according to the tenets of academic painting allowed such imagery to be widely and openly reproduced, distributed and displayed: qualities which would later lead to the genre's WWII christening as the "pin-up."

    While the media and promotional uses of the pin-up through popular prints, cartes de visite, and lithographic advertising afforded the genre a fluctuating visibility to different genders and classes in the years before its rise as a popular culture icon in WWII, its subject remained invariable. As a popular image of contemporary female sexuality, these early pin-ups represented that which was accepted within societal limits of such sexual imagery: working-class women, dancers and actresses. These women's transgressive display of self-aware sexuality was viewed as both part-and-parcel of their class or trade, and distinct from the Victorian construct of the domestic, bourgeois "true woman," whose passionlessness and asexuality were virtues that the pin-up genre was ill suited to idealize.(2) However, with the changes in women's roles in the public sphere that occurred with the events surrounding American involvement in WWII, the pin-up's historical celebration of transgressive female sexuality found parallels in new constructions of virtuous womanhood during wartime, during which the meanings of both the genre and the sexualized female it represented shifted significantly.

    It was arguably the founding of Esquire magazine in 1933 that helped elevate not only the status of the pin-up girl, but the context in which she was constructed and understood. In what one feminist historian has argued as "the first thoroughgoing, conscious attempt to organize a consuming male audience," Esquire was inspired by the boom of the men's clothing trade of the 'thirties and was originally intended for distribution primarily through male clothiers, modelling itself after the ladies fashion journals of the nineteenth and early twentieth century.(3) However, popular demand for the innovative "men's magazine" was so great that 95,000 copies of the premier issue were recalled from stores and redistributed to newsstands.(4) In addition to the magazine's interest in documenting fashion trends, Esquire also sought to cultivate a reputation as a literary and cultural leader, publishing essays and fiction by such luminaries as F. Scott Fitzgerald, John Dos Passos and Ernest Hemingway, and providing its readership with erudite articles on contemporary art, music, films and American politics. The magazine's most popular features, however, were its "girlie" cartoons, representing not charming Brooklyn girls or burlesque hall queens (popular pin-up subjects since the nineteenth century in tabloids such as the National Police Gazette), but glamorous upper-class women of the American nouveau-riche in various states of undress and humorous situations. Esquire Petty Girl gatefold

    Esquire's combination of cultural sophistication and bawdy humor led one critic to define the magazine's style as "a heavy load of excellence with a fine streak of vulgarity." (5) Although illustrators E. Simms Campbell, Alex Raymond, and Howard Baer and photographer George Hurrell helped construct the modern ideal of the Esquire woman, the magazine's most famous pin-up artist was George Petty. His wildly popular "Petty Girls" were primped and sporty cuties, whose cartoons were accompanied by gag caption one-liners, generally quoting the ladies' naïve reactions to the viewers ("Oh, you would, would you?"), or pouting responses to sugar-daddies ("I want to keep the ring for sentimental reasons!") presumably at the other end of the ever-present phone receiver held in her well-manicured hand. Rarely addressing the (always presumed male) viewer with her gaze, and always gleefully grinning for the approval of the viewer in the off- chance that she did, in these early Esquire cartoons and centerfolds the pin-up "outclassed" other pin-ups but had done so at the cost of the economic and sexual self-sufficiency and self-awareness which had characterized the pin-ups of the past.

    With Petty's increased monetary demands from the publishers, in 1940 Esquire sought a replacement for the artist, which they found in Peruvian-born artist Alberto Vargas y Chavez. Schooled in Paris and Zurich, the self-taught artist had been exposed to both the academic work of neo-classicist Jean-Auguste-Dominique Ingres and popular European illustrators Raphael Kirschner and Alphonse Mucha, whose styles he assimilated and juxtaposed in his own work, of which he hoped to base a career upon moving the New York in 1916. Three years later, Vargas began working for Florenz Ziegfeld, painting portraits of the actresses of the Ziegfeld Follies for theatre displays, and magazine and sheet-music covers, and by the 'thirties, Vargas was accepting commissions from Hollywood studios Paramount, Twentieth-Century Fox and Warner Brothers. Combining Ingres' fantastical idealization of the feminine figure, the art nouveau ideal of the aggressively sexual "modern woman" borrowed from Kirschner, and Mucha's deification of the theatrical femme fatale, Vargas sought to create an image of a twentieth-century goddess that fit the emergence of the decadent and sophisticated Hollywood female "star image," and would be the signature of his entire career.

    After having been blackballed by Hollywood studios for taking part in unionized walkouts, Vargas began working for Esquire in 1940 as the replacement for Petty that the magazine had sought to groom. Vargas' first pin-up appeared as a gatefold in the October, 1940 issue, in which the pressure for the artist to live up to the precedent set by Petty was apparent.

    The telephone scenario and an accompanying gold-digger verse of this first "Varga Girl" were perfectly in keeping with Petty's style, but the voluptuous, lingerie-clad trompe l'oeil figure, striking a dramatically sensual pose, was a complete departure from Petty's cheery naïfs. By Vargas' third Esquire pin-up, he had completely shrugged off the baggage of the Petty prototype and returned to the glamour- goddess style of his Ziegfeld and Hollywood portraiture.

    Moreover, whereas Petty's pin-ups were characterized by their identical figures and facial features,leggy, well-proportioned and athletic, with heart-shaped faces and prominently full, brightly rouged cheeks Vargas' women varied widely, taking on individual "identities" through their different facial types, figures and senses of style. As influenced by women's fashion magazines as by any fine arts precedents, the Varga Girls revealed less flesh and possessed a greater level of contemporary fashion sense and sexual self-awareness than the giddy, girlish Petty pin-ups.

    The most dramatic difference between the pin-ups of Vargas and Petty, however, was Vargas' fantastical approach to the female anatomy. While Petty's women were less rich in their coloring and shading, and shaped more along an hourglass-ideal than Vargas', they still tended toward realistic proportions. Vargas' women, on the other hand, uncannily mirrored the Odalisques of his hero, Ingres.

    Like Ingres' career-long disfigurement of the human figure in the name of sensual pleasure (his famous Grande Odalisque prominently featured three extra vertebrae in her seductively-exposed back), Vargas embellished freely upon his renderings of the female body in order to exaggerate their sensuality. The Varga Girls' impossibly long legs ran derriere-lessly into their waists; their ample breasts spread irrationally far across their chests; and even eighteenth-century period drag clung to their bodies like the wet peploi-togas of Hellenistic marble goddesses. Just as Ingres' Odalisques would be unable to stand upright had they been born flesh-and-blood with such grotesquely erotic figural contortions, so Vargas' anatomical exaggerations of the female figure would have been downright monstrous on a real woman.

    Adding to the Varga Girls' unsettling perfection was Vargas' airbrush technique. With the controlled paint-sprays of the tool, Vargas held enormous control over the subtleties that the artist chose to heighten their look. With the same instrument used to paint the flawlessly gleaming finishes of American roadsters and coupes, Vargas conjured up lemon meringue blondes with bodies just as steely and dangerous as anything rolling off the assembly lines in Dearborn and Detroit. In contrast, details such as eyes, lips, feet and hands were meticulously rendered by Vargas with extra-fine sable brushes that lifted the subjects' gazes, gestures, and accessories forcefully off the page. Engaging the viewers with their forward, even predatory gazes and beckoning gestures while distancing them with the shimmering solidity of their impossible figures and spectral surroundings, they seemed to entice, but not to invite. Aggressively contemporary and sexual, yet pointedly inaccessible and grotesquely feminine, the Varga Girls became to Esquire readers an icon which embodied the danger and power of an alluringly untouchable, modern female sexuality.

    Within the first year of Esquire's Varga Girls, they had begun to find their own identity. The magazine dropped the Petty-esque gag-line jabs at the gatefold girls and replaced them with the adulatory verse of Phil Stack, constructing the Girls as women to be worshiped, not ridiculed. As early as October 1941, one month before the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Vargas' pin-ups and Stack's paeans served not only to praise the Varga Girls' beauty, but to give them a "voice" as the patriotic ideal of American womanhood. Previously in Esquire, Petty's military women had been represented as charming girls playing harmless "dress-up" in masculine drag. The Varga Girls, on the other hand, posed in (granted, seductively-amended) costumes and accessories of the armed forces, learning drills and semaphore, highly sexualized yet pointedly active women clothed in and usurping male power. As such, from early on Vargas associated the pin-ups with the American war effort.

    Needless to say, WWII soldiers took just as strong a liking to the Varga Girls as the Girls had to Allied mobilization. After the American involvement in the war, the military demand for Vargas pin-ups was such that from 1942 to 1946 Esquire printed nine million copies of the magazine "without advertisements and free of charge" and sent them to American troops stationed overseas and in domestic military bases, often with extra, specially-designed Varga Girls prepared specifically for these "Military Editions." Swept up in the context of the "good fight," the Varga Girls were no longer the monthly centerfold that spiced up reading in the pre-war study or breakfast table, but a liaison to the homefront and a metaphor for the American girl. Bob Hope summed up the Varga Girls' overwhelmingly strong connection with American GIs when he proclaimed: "Our American troops are ready to fight at the drop of an Esquire"(6)

    Nowhere was the Varga Girls' role in this capacity more prevalent than in their various appropriations by the American military troops. They hung alongside photos of friends, mom, and F.D.R. in both the barracks and the officers' quarters and graced the inside walls of tanks and planes. Significantly, the most common and most recognized appropriation of the Varga Girls was the nose art of WWII bombers. Paralleled to the ship-prow female figures of South Pacific and Viking sailing vessels, these pin-up images on American planes can be viewed similarly as images of cultural identification, and symbolic of cultural views of female sexuality thus represented as powerful and dangerous.(7) In the use of contemporary pin-ups in such a context to serve as a sort of troop "protectress" the genre effectively reversed the traditional roles of male/protector, female/protected. As Elaine Tyler-May notes of the association of the pin-up's aggressive sexuality with these generally male-identified implements of destruction (and liberation), such nose-art imagery also parallels these representations of pointedly contemporary female sexuality with danger and strength, further underscoring the power with which the genre and modern women so represented became invested during wartime.(8)

    So associated, it comes as no surprise that the Varga Girls were far and away the most frequently appropriated pin-ups used on bomber noses, considering that their hyper- sexualized proportions and cultural affiliation with the United States made her as easily reviled as alluring. In a specially-designed Varga Girl created for a U.S. bomber squadron, she was a furious, scarlet-clothed war sprite that coaxed allied missiles seeming to spring forth from beneath her skirt toward their targets. Who better to shield those that wielded her image and destroyed her enemies than these icy American Athenas?

    On the homefront, where women were strategizing their own day-to-day battles, the Varga Girls were making a significant impression as well. Contrary to the popular belief that pin-ups have historically been reserved for privileged consumption by men, studies such as feminist historian Joanne Meyerowitz's recent research on the genre demonstrate that since their inception pin-ups have frequently emerged in contexts which encouraged their visibility to female viewers; and in the case of the Second World War served as an increasingly acceptable ideal for women's sexual self-representation.(9) In the same issue as the first Varga Girl appeared an Esquire reader-poll article which indicated that nearly three-quarters of the "gentlemen's magazine" subscriptions were read by women, for whom the magazines illustrations were the number one attraction.(10) Although the male appropriation of pin-ups for nose art led to their being viewed then as now as nearly a pre-requisite for bombers, the genre was further removed from the realm of privileged male viewing, because of the proliferation of magazine pictorials and G.I. photos that were distributed on the homefront, and the pin-up impressed into the consciousness and culture of American women. In fact, one quarter of Vargas' fan mail at Esquire was from women asking not just for advice on how they could emulate the Varga Girls' style, but how they could get into a career as pin- up illustrators.(11)

    As Meyerowitz notes, the wartime signification of the pin-up as a dangerous feminine force was not lost on the women who analyzed the genre. In fact, Meyerowitz cites the Esquire v. Frank C. Walker, Postmaster General case as exemplary of this fact. In 1943, Esquire's second-class mailing privileges were revoked due to what the Postmaster General decreed was the Varga Girls' legally pornographic ("obscene, lewd, and lascivious character") status.(12) Contesting the Postmaster's decision, both Esquire and the U.S. government called a series of female witnesses to testify as to their perspectives on the pin-ups' "decency." While the women were varied on their perspectives on the propriety and ubiquity of such brazen displays of female sexuality in popular culture, Meyerowitz notes that in the testimonies of all women both in favour of and against the Varga Girl features the genre's subjects were viewed as "active subjects luring men, not as victims of the male gaze."(13) It is with this in mind that I would like to note that, as Vargas' mail-bag suggests, for young women on the homefront, the pin-up eventually became the model for many of these women's self-representations; not coincidentally, during an era in which women were arguably, for the first time in American history encouraged by both political and cultural forces to develop an awareness of their roles as economic, productive and sexual agents.

    With the pool of male workers drained from the labour force, government and labour efforts forcefully promoted the notion that it was not only fashionable, but downright necessary for women to enter the work force in the wartime era. During the war, women on the homefront had learned to perform many roles that years, even months, earlier had been deemed beyond their physical and mental capabilities. Similarly, with their wartime introduction to an integrated public sphere, women were faced with a rude awakening as to the power and problems that their sexuality posed in relations with their male counterparts in the previously male-dominated industrial and military forces.(14) The new found confidence instilled in many young women by their socially-sanctioned entrance into the work force, paired with the necessary sexual awareness of women that developed during WWII, allowed women to construct a new female image that reconciled traditional elements of beauty and glamour with new attributes of strength, independence, and bravery.(15)

    In the WWII constructions of the pin-up ideal, as epitomized by Esquire's Varga Girl, women were almost invariably depicted with and celebrated for their sexually aggressive and self-aware poses, engaging the viewer with a direct gaze that underscored the subject's confident sexuality. And, as the Varga Girl had long associated herself with not only the war movement but trends in contemporary female issues and identity, the era also saw the Varga Girl shaped by the same new factors which affected the lives of their "real" counterparts in the public sphere: by 1946, through pin-ups, calendars, and propagandistic Allied posters, Varga Girls had joined the WAVES, the WAACs and the War Bond effort. As such, the pin-up genre provided a model through which women could construct themselves as the new image of the contemporary homefront woman: at once both conventionally feminine and transgressively aware of her own power and potential for agency on levels both personal and political. Furthermore, it can be argued that the Varga Girls' icy, controlled presence seemed the perfect stance to emulate for a nation of young women looking to assert this new-found sense of awareness and control over their own sexuality. By literally turning themselves into Varga Girls through self- portraiture, homefront women also found a method for supplanting their images and modern identity overseas in place of these fantasy pin-ups appropriated by American soldiers. In fact, so popular was the genre as a mode for homefront women's self- portraiture, eventually, as Robert Westbrook notes in his essay on the role of women's images in the Second World War, homemade pin-ups circulated overseas as widely as published imagery.(16)

    The context of these hometown female appropriations of the Varga Girl seems to provide both a parallel and an inspiration for the recent feminist appropriation of the self-portrait pin-up. Considering the effects of the dramatic change in the homefront climate after the return of soldiers from overseas, and the backlash against the sexually-aggressive and economically self-sufficient women which the war had created, it is no surprise that the Varga Girl,and these same qualities she represented, faded in the postwar era.(17) In her heyday, however, the Varga Girl was established as an untouchable idol of female power and danger for men seeking a protective banner under which to shield themselves form the horrors of war. For women, she embodied the ideal of independence and sexual self-awareness that American women were themselves discovering in their shifting roles and identity on the homefront.

    However, in this role as a war goddess, the Varga Girl's impact on American culture happily appears to have outlasted the women's war effort and its subsequent backlash. Appropriating not only the style but a popular distributive medium of Esquire's Varga Girl series, Annie Sprinkle and Katharine Gates' Post-Modern Pin-Ups playing card deck borrows both the sexually-aggressive poses and comfortable conflation of femininity and power of the WWII-era pin-ups they emulate. Moreover, in Sprinkle and Gates' appropriation of the pin-up, their choice of subjects whose careers (ranging from professors to Elvis Im-puss-inators) and activism blatantly underscore the feminist potential of the genre as defined by Vargas' work.

    In an even more direct reference to the pin-ups, Ann Magnuson's Revenge of the Vargas Pin-Up Girl finds the artist transformed into a Varga Girl, but turns the airbrush gun the medium through which Vargas created his fantastical women back onto the world. Magnuson's implication that the tools of the pin-up's male author, in the hands of his dangerous creation, are so easily turned against any "objectifying" motives is a virtual metaphor for many feminist readings and appropriations of pin-up imagery.

    Constructing the transgressive, yet controlled, image of the pin-up as everywoman, capable of extraordinary confidence, patriotism and sexual power, the Varga Girl transformed the genre away from its former representation of the morally corrupt and socially marginal female. As such, the Varga Girl, as well as the modern understanding of the pin-up which she has helped define, can be interpreted as an image of womanhood which embodies both the normally denied plurality and contradictions of female sexuality, and an era in American history in which such an unstable identity was accepted and celebrated. As such, the simultaneous glorification of conventional femininity and the unruly potential of subversively self-aware female sexuality that the Varga Girl established within the pin-up genre can be read as a substantial inspiration to feminists utilizing the genre to explore the shades of female identity between the boundaries of tradition and transgression.

    Notes

    I would like to thank the following individuals for their assistance in this project: Steve Goddard, Curator of Prints and Drawings at the University of Kansas' Spencer Museum of Art, for both allowing me access to the Spencer's collection of Esquire original pin-ups and for his continuous encouragement of my attempts to defend a positive feminist history of the pin-up; Professors Marilyn Stokstad and Charles Eldredge, chairs of the Murphy History of Art Travel fund, for facilitating my participation in the conferences at which this paper and its earlier versions were presented; My panel-mates at the SUNY- New Paltz Subject to Desire conference, Nicole Demerin and Mary Duffy, for their support, friendship and suggestions. Thanks also to John Pultz, Joanna Frueh, Marie Aquilino, Barry Shank, David Cateforis, Mark Olsen, Tracy Floreani, Cynthia Lee Henthorn and Angel Kwolek-Folland for providing me with direction, resources and enthusiastic support.

  • 1. Abigail Solomon-Godeau, "The Other Side of Venus" in Victoria de Grazia, The Sex of Things: Gender and Consumption in Historical Perspective (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1996): 131.
  • 2. For more thorough analyses of the construction and idealization of "True Womanhood" in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, see Barbara Welter, "The Cult of True Womanhood," American Quarterly 18, no.2 (Autumn 1975): 151-174; and Lois Banner, American Beauty (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1983)
  • 3.Kenon Breazeale, "In Spite of Women: Esquire Magazine and the Construction of the Male Consumer," Signs 20 (no.1, Autumn 1994): 1.
  • 4. See Mark Gabor, The Pin-Up: A Modest History (London: Pan Press, 1982): 76-7.
  • 5. Hugh Merrill, Esky: The Early Years at Esquire (New Brunswick: Rutgers University Press, 1995): 2.
  • 6. Merrill: 2.
  • 7. See Gervis Frere-Cook (ed.), Decorative Arts of the Mariner (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1966); Nicholas Thomas, Oceanic Art (London: Thames and Hudson, 1995); and Allen Wardwell, Island Ancestors (University of Washington Press, 1994).
  • 8. Elaine Tyler-May, Homeward Bound: American Families in the Cold War Era (New York: Basic Books, 1988): 69-70.
  • 9. See Joanne Meyerowitz, "Women, Cheesecake, and Borderline Material: Responses to Girlie Pictures in the Mid-Twentieth Century U.S.," Journal of Women's History 8, no. 3 (Fall 1996): 9-35.
  • 10.See "Don’t look now...but there's a woman reading over your shoulder," Esquire (October 1940): 171.
  • 11. See Merrill, 89-90; and the Letters of Alberto Vargas, the National Archives of American Art.
  • 12. District Court of the United States for the District of Columbia, Esquire v. Frank C. Walker, Postmaster General, Transcript of Proceedings Before Post Office Department, Civil No. 22722, National Archives, Post Office Department Records, Record Group 28, 46, cited and interpreted in Meyerowitz, "Women, Cheesecake and Borderline Material," 15-18; and Merrill, Esky, 103-123.
  • 13. Meyerowitz, 17.
  • 14. For excellent studies of changes in women's roles as production and sexual agents, see Tyler-May (op.cit.); Susan M. Hartmann, The Home Front and Beyond: American Women in the 1940s (Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1982); Doris Weatherford, American Women and World War II (New York: Facts on File, 1990); and Leisa D. Meyer, Creating G.I. Jane: Sexuality and Power in the Women’s Army Corps During World War II. (New York: Columbia University Press, 1996).
  • 15. Jana Frederick-Collins, "'He kept pressing me for details!': A critical cultural analysis of domestic narratives in post-WWII pin-up advertising calendars," Paper presented to the Commission on the Status of Women at the Association for Education in Journalism and Mass Communication, 1994.
  • 16. Robert B. Westbrook, "I want a girl just like the girl that married Harry James: American women and the problem of political obligation in World War II," American Quarterly 42, no.3 (September 1990): 606.
  • 17. While the issues surrounding the American backlash against the self-sufficient homefront female ideal are far too complex to be discussed here, in-depth analyses of these issues can be found in Tyler-May, Homeward Bound; Meyerowitz, "Women, Cheesecake, and Borderline Material"; Meyer, Creating G.I. Jane; Susan Faludi, Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women, (New York: Crown Publishers, 1992); and Pamela Robertson, Guilty Pleasures: Feminist Camp from Mae West to Madonna (Durham: Duke University Press, 1996).

  • February 21

    Samael PART TWO

    Samael

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Samael (also Sammael) is an important archangel in Talmudic and post-Talmudic lore, as well as Christian folklore and demonology, a figure who is accuser, seducer, and destroyer. He has been regarded as both good and evil. In rabbinic lore he is identified as the chief of Satans and the Angel of death. In the Secrets of Enoch (Enoch II) he is a prince of demons and a magician. He was a guardian angel of Esau and a patron of the sinful empire of Rome. Samael is usually considered to be the true angelic name of Satan. The etymology of his name is sometimes thought to be a combination of "sam," and in some combinations 'poison', and "el," meaning 'God'; thus he is the poison of God.

    [edit] In Judaism

    In Jewish lore, Samael is said to be the Angel of Death, the chief ruler of the Fifth Heaven and one of the seven regents of the world served by two million angels; he resides in the Seventh Heaven. Yalkut I, 110 of the Talmud speaks of Samael as Esau's guardian angel. In Sotah 10b, Samael is Edom's guardian angel, and in the Sayings of Rabbi Eliezer, he is charged with being the one who tempted Eve, then seduced and impregnated her with Cain. Though some sources identify Gadreel as the angel that seduced Eve, other Hebrew scholars say that it was Samael who tempted Eve in the guise of the Serpent. Samael is also sometimes identified as being the angelic antagonist who wrestled with Jacob, and also the angel who held back the arm of Abraham as he was about to sacrifice his son.

    In The Holy Kabbalah (p. 255), Samael is described as the "severity of God," and is listed as fifth of the archangels of the world of Briah. Samael is said to have taken Lilith as his bride after she left Adam. According to Zoharistic cabala, Samael was also mated with Eisheth Zenunium, Naamah, and Agrat Bat Mahlat - all angels of prostitution.

    Samael is sometimes confused in some books with Camael, an archangel of God, whose name means "He who sees God."

    [edit] In Gnosticism

    In the Apocryphon of John, found in the Nag Hammadi library, Samael is the third name of the evil demiurge, whose other names are Yaldabaoth and Saklas. In this context, Samael means "the blind god", the theme of blindness running throughout gnostic works. He is born out of the error of Sophia, who desires to create offspring of her own without the Spirit. His appearance is that of a lion-faced serpent. In On the Origin of the World in the Nag Hammadi library texts, he is also referred to as Ariael.


    [edit] References

    • Bunson, Matthew, (1996). Angels A to Z : A Who's Who of the Heavenly Host. Three Rivers Press. ISBN 0-517-88537-9.
    • Davidson, Gustav. A Dictionary of Angels: Including the Fallen Angels. Free Press. ISBN 0-02-907052-X

    [edit] Further reading

    • Bamberger, Bernard Jacob, (March 15, 2006). Fallen Angels: Soldiers of Satan's Realm. Jewish Publication Society of America. ISBN 0-8276-0797-0
    • Cruz, Joan C. (1999). Angels and Devils. Tan Books & Publishers. ISBN 0-89555-638-3.
    • Jung, Leo (1925). "Fallen Angels in Jewish, Christian and Mohammedan Literature. A Study in Comparative Folk-Lore", published in four parts in The Jewish Quarterly Review, New Ser.
      • Vol. 15, No. 4 (Apr., 1925), pp. 467-502, doi:10.2307/1451739
      • Vol. 16, No. 1 (Jul., 1925), pp. 45-88, doi:10.2307/1451748
      • Vol. 16, No. 2 (Oct., 1925), pp. 171-205, doi:10.2307/1451789
      • Vol. 16, No. 3 (Jan., 1926), pp. 287-336, doi:10.2307/1451485

    Samael Most Unclean

    SAMAEL: From the Jewish Encyclopedia Online  

    By : Executive Committee of the Editorial Board.   Ludwig Blau  


    Prince of the demons, and an important figure both in Talmudic and in post-Talmudic literature, where he appears as accuser, seducer, and destroyer. His name is etymologized as = "the venom of God," since he is identical with the angel of death (Targ. Yer. to Gen. iii. 6; see also Death, Angel of), who slays men with a drop of poison ('Ab. Zarah 20b; Kohut, "Angelologie und Dämonologie," pp. 69, 71). It is possible, however, that the name is derived from that of the Syrian god Shemal (Bousset, "Religion," p. 242).

    Samael is the "chief of Satans" (Deut. R. xi. 9; Jellinek, "B. H." i. 125), quite in the sense of "the prince of the devils" mentioned in Matt. ix. 34; but, on the other hand, he is "the great prince in heaven." (Pirḳe R. El. xiii., beginning), who rules over angels and powers (ib.; Martyrdom of Isaiah, ii. 2). As the incarnation of evil he is the celestial patron of the sinful empire of Rome, with which Edom and Esau are identified (Tan. on Gen. xxxii. 35; Jellinek, l.c. vi. 31, 109, etc.). He flies through the air like a bird (Targ. to Job xxviii. 7), and, while the ḥayyot and ofannim have only six wings, he has twelve, and commands a whole army of demons (Pirḳe R. El. xiii.). In so far as he is identified with the serpent ("J. Q. R." vi. 12), with carnal desire (Yeẓer ha-Ra'), and with the angel of death, all legends associated with Satan refer equally to him, while as a miscreant he is compared to Belial ( = "worthless"; see collection of material in Bousset, "Antichrist," pp. 99-101).

    All these descriptions of Samael show that he was regarded simply as the principle of evil that brought upon Israel and Judah every misfortune that befell them. Even at the creation of the world he was Lucifer, who ever sought evil and who began his malignant activity with Adam. His opponent is Michael, who represents the beneficent principle, and who frequently comes into conflict with him (comp. Jew. Encyc. viii. 536 et seq.; Lucken, "Michael," pp. 22 et seq.).

    Samael in the History of Mankind.

    The evil nature of Samael may be illustrated by a number of examples. He and his demonic host descended from heaven to seduce the first human pair (Pirḳe R. El. xiii., beginning; Yalḳ. Gen. i. 25), and for this purpose he planted the vine, the forbidden tree of paradise (Greek Apocalypse of Baruch, iv.). He was himself the serpent, whose form he merely assumed (ib. ix.; "J. Q. R." vi. 328), and was one of the leaders of the angels who married the daughters of men (Gen. vi. 1-4), thus being partially responsible for the fall of the angels (Enoch vi., in Kautzsch, "Apokryphen," ii. 238 et seq.; Lucken, l.c. p. 29). His former wife was Lilith (Jellinek, l.c. vi. 109). He endeavored to persuade Abraham not to offer up Isaac, and, failing in his purpose, he caused the death of Sarah by carrying the news of the sacrifice to her (Gen. R. lvi. 4; Sanh. 89a et passim; Pirḳe R. El. xxxii.). He wrestled with Jacob (Gen. R. lxxvii. and parallels), and also took part in the affair of Tamar (Soṭah 10b). He brought accusations against the Israelites when God was about to lead them out of Egypt (Ex. R. xxi. 7; Bacher, "Ag. Pal. Amor." i. 25, 473), and was jubilant at the death of Moses because the latter had brought the Torah (Deut. R. xi. 9; Jellinek, l.c. i. 12 et passim). Entering into King Manasseh, Samael caused the martyrdom of the prophet Isaiah (Martyrdom of Isaiah, i., in Kautzsch, l.c. ii. 124); and he considered himself victorious over Michael when God decided that the ten pious scholars during the reign of Hadrian must suffer death (Jellinek, l.c. ii. 66, iii. 87, vi. 31). On the Day of Atonement, however, Israel has no fear of him (Lev. R. xxi. 4).

    In the Cabala.

    In the quotations from the Slavonic Book of Enoch (vi.) Samael is represented as a prince of the demons and a magician. He is, therefore, frequently mentioned in the cabalistic writings of the Middle Ages, from which Eisenmenger compiled a rich collection of passages ("Entdecktes Judenthum," i. 826 et seq.), to which must be added those in Schwab's "Vocabulaire de l'Angélologie" (p. 199). As lord of the demons, Samael is regarded as a magic being, and must be considered in the preparation of amulets, although there is no agreement as to his power and activity. He presides over the second "teḳufah" (solstice) and the west wind of the fourth teḳufah, as well as the third day of the week ("Sefer Raziel," 6a, 40b, 41b; see also Schwab, l.c.). In Hebrew amulets Samael is represented as the angel of death ("Revue de Numismatique," 1892, pp. 246, 251). Eve is supposed to have become pregnant by him (Targ. Yer. to Gen. iv. 1); and the cabalists add many details to this legend (Eisenmenger, l.c. i. 832 et seq.). The spot in the moon is supposed to have been caused by the filth of Samael (Menahem of Recanati, p. 140, c. 2).

    Bibliography: Eisenmenger, Entdecktes Judenthum, i. 826-838;
    Brecher, Das Transcendentale, Magie, und Magische Heilarten in Talmud, pp. 40-44, Vienna, 1850;
    Kohut, Angelologie und Dämonologie, pp. 62-72, Leipsic, 1866;
    Hamburger, R. B. T. i. 897, ii. 1060;
    Hastings, Dict. Bible, iv. 407-412;
    Schwab, Vocabulaire de l'Angélologie, p. 199, Paris, 1897;
    Bousset, Der Antichrist, Göttingen, 1895;
    idem, Religion des Judenthums im Neutestamentlichen Zeitalter, pp. 242, 329, Berlin, 1903;
    Lucken, Michael, Göttingen, 1895, Index;
    Weber, Jüdische Theologie, Index, 2d ed., Leipsic, 1897;
    Stave, Ueber den Einfluss des Parsismus auf das Judenthum, pp, 236 et seq., Haarlem, 1898;
    Moritz Friedländer, Der Antichrist in den Vorchristlichen Jüdischen Quellen, Göttingen, 1901.E. C. L. B.


    February 19

    FilthyPerv's Playbook for Dummies

    I was sittin in my usual spot, mindin my own bidnez, not hurtin nobody... and WHAM it hit me... I am allergic to idiots.

    It has never been a secret that I am quite contentedly a 'Backdoor Man'. I have a serial fascination with the wives of other men in a very unethically clinical sense. Other mens wives are a happy opportunity that offers all the fruits and demand half the labor. For a very long time that was the way I rolled, not exclusively mind you, and I was exceedingly good at it.

    I learned some very valuable lessons, that I am willing to share:
    1. a lot about not only the nature of women, but of relationships and humans in general; humans that cheat are not bad people they are good folks that have made a bad choice.
    2. men cheat when they do not feel heard.
    3. women cheat when they do not feel needed.
    4. one misunderstood jackass can make a fox in the hen house look mighty good to the chicks.

    During my tenure creepin I learned what made relationships fail and conversely work. I learned not to make the mistakes of other men in regards to the treatment of a good womans heart, body, spirit and mind. Thing is though, now I am 'reformed'. I keep my cards on the table instead of up my sleeve -at least I am tryin real hard to anyways.

    If you are a man and believing me to be qualified in the evaluation of the thoughts and motives of females ask my opinion on your 'woman issues' and some strange twist of fate leaves me taken by an odd act of charity inspiring me to grant you advise on how to cope with said 'female crisis'... take the fucking advise. I am in fact, more qualified than most of our brethren on evaluating the minds and motives of the fairer sex.

    I AM NOT saying that I am the 'Mack of Macks' and am not falliable. I am in fact. However, what I am saying is is that the caddy I am rolling in has been everywhere like Johnny Cash. You asked me cause you admire my game, good on you for having the courage to consult the wiser. I got my game by running it, living AND asking help when needed. As a result I am always willing to help a nukka out. Just don't peter out and say 'oh shit is worse' and then tell me you didn't even try the advise you asked for. That is just fucking stupid.

    It is as I alluded before, much less painful to learn from the mistakes of others than it is to learn from ones own. You pining over that gal or guy that got you all moon-eyed at noon? Watch 'em. Talk to them. Make sure they know you exist. Become their friend, not with the intention of getting play but of getting to know them as a human -they could after all be a drama whore or psycho hose beast. See how they interact in relationships, see what they need and look for in a partner. If they match, honestly what you want and need, then by this point they are feeling you too.

    When all else fails remember this... 'living in sin' can be just as committed as paper, but if you feel the need to commit in the eyes of some Diety or legal institution longer engagements make for less likely divorces.

    What I don't get though is what the fuck is so hard to understand about the above. It is not rocket science.
    February 17

    I Got My Valentine

    My apologies for the silence. I have not forgotten any of you, nor would I. I have however been... occupied. I should be clear and say that it has been nothin ill. Only the best has happened to and for me personally in my absence. I have been pondering making a very big change in my life again. I have not committed to the idea just yet. however in all honesty I am well on my way.

    There are a few of you that know what the deciding factor of my collaring my current slave was. She passed it with flying colors and still bears the evidence of my pinpricked handiwork that night as she will for some time to come I am certain. However, in lux of certain recent events and meditations, I have been pondering demanding an even greater sacrifice from her adoring flesh and spirit.

    On Valentine's day, I gave her the only thing I had worth giving. I return I got a cherry for my very own when I drank from her. My beautiful humble little Onion, whose hard limits when we first met included knife play, stood before me unbound and willing as she felt the blade penetrate her skin. The only answer she gave was a soft gasp followed by 'Yes Master'.

    When a slave enters 'sub-space' you can see it. There are tangible and visible changes in them that act as symptomatic mile markers. The flush of the skin, the change of breath, heighten pulses and sensitivities, dilation of the pupils, etc. I have mentioned these all before. What is not so frequently referenced here or anywhere really though is that a Dominant version also exists -it only makes sense when you think about it.

    When a Dominant comes out of this state of mind, it is like coming down from a high, hence, the come down is referred to a 'Dom-drop'. I have yet to hit this point after my experiences on Thursday. In point of fact, the duration between my instances of Dom-drop are becoming farther and farther apart. While I get that none of this is all that strange under the type of circumstances I am accustomed to normally, I am no longer in my normal circumstances. I have never been in a situation like the one I am currently in. I am not complaining mind you, but the fact that my 'highs' are better and lasting far longer with far less exposure baffles me. I am therefore thinking about taking things to the next step with Onion.






    February 09

    The Hardest Working Man in 'Ho-bidnez'

    I have been talking with a friend lately, intermittently but still frequently , about one of my favorite topics... Whores. Not jus Whores but all of us kinda, cause what the oldest profession does, actually does effect the rest of us. Now for those of you that know me RT, you have all been privy to the 'bitch betta hav muh money' jokes and more than likely also the 'what's wrong with modern ho-bidnez as compared to historical ho-bidnez'. Now if you have heard these topics, do not blow off this post just yet. Shall we take a gander and see where it goes ehh?

    I have issues with the current state of prostitution as an industry, mostly in the US but not limited from the global culture as a whole. My specific issue is 'What the fuck are these bitches thinkin?' Prostitution is not dirty or wrong when executed properly and responsibly. Prostitution, in it proper context, is empowering to women. It is not an industry that should be based solely upon turnin a quick damn dollar, euro, pound or yen. Prostitution as an industry is about life historically. Prostitutes, male and female alike, in most cultures were priests, kings, priestesses and queens. They represented the Gods and Goddesses enfleshed on Earth during the act and the 'exchange of money' was not pay for sexual services rendered but offering of thanks to Deity for blessing the spell, prayer or ritual that was culminated and sealed with an orgasmic release of focus and energy. So I gotta ask what is up with the 'crack-whores'?

    I get that prevalent religion is Christianity in the US and in turn the government and legal system reflect 400 years of this fact. What I do not get is where the sanctity of one of  Deity's greatest gifts to our species went. We are a sexual species, we breed via sexual contact. If the Gods honestly wanted sex to be wrought with shame, fear and materialism, I for one think they would not have connected our means of reproduction to it. I say this for a few reasons:
    1. we don't breed they don't get worship *coughs and mock clears throat* Shakers
    2. sadistic, detached amusement or not, they would not have invested so much raw power in the orgasm, nor would they have made it so easily tappable for use and application to energy work.
    3. the body is a temple that should be kept in accordance to the law or dictates of Deity
    4. why would they declare that the easiest route to ecstatic experience and communion, the act of creation and the sharing of their loving essence on the mortal plane is wrong?

    There are a few of you out there who are going to hit the roof with my next bit. I have been wondering this for sometime, given much or my normally obsessive thought. Men have one third as many nerves in their genitalia as women. So why does is seem that so many women are disconnected, whores included, from their sexuality. Why are they disaffected and disenfranchised from the half of the truest and fullest experiences of the hand in life creation that makes them so much more like the Gods than we men?

    I detest what our culture has done to our species. I detest that our culture dictates so much to us, overtly and covertly, that many of us have willingly become sexless ignorant lemmings, herding ourselves toward the cliff that is an incomplete and unfulfilled  life. It disturbs me that So many women and men boyare still virgins. It disturbs me that so many are missing out on the full richness of life and are living outside of the grace of the second most awe-inpiring of the Gods gifts to humankind. It even actually pisses me off more than just a smidge that a Man or Woman can have 20 biological kids concieved the old fashion way and still infact be nothing more than a virgin with a missing hymen or an overgrown minutely experienced boy.

    Whores served the vital role of teaching folks how to enjoy and completely experience this gift. It was there sacred duty to maintain the fertility of not only each sowing, tending and harvest with the intention of their sacrificed orgasms, but it was also their sacred duty to insure the fertility of our species by instructing rest of us in how to maximize the enjoyment and energy generated during the act of intercourse.

    The act of coitus is about honesty, openess and exstacy. One of the fastest way to attain communion with the Gods is through sex.

    Now, with that to think on, I am tired and going to bed. I SHALL come back to this topic tomorrow though.

    February 04

    Narrative Interruption of the Suspension of Disbelief

    Last night, I was wasting time in K-mart. Last night, I found a children's book there that was in the style, entirely of a journal. It was not a revolutionary idea, there are millions of them. It was then that something strange occurred to me, inspired by this children's book and the website postsecret.blogspot.com

    I am a storyteller; by nature, calling and practice RT and OL. So let me commit the big no-no of 'stepping out of the arc' for a second to break something down. When telling any story, especially one that is based on the organizational chaos we call life, if one wishes to keep true to life when conveying the protagonist's journey through their story, they can -and usually will if they are a modern-age storyteller- use an overlapping story arc.

    Humans need ritual, progression and meaning in a story in order to recognize the themes and lessons contained therein, just like life. It it the only way that the artistry of the author or teller can be validated. This is why, the majority of authors strive to keep things orderly and clear. Every continued telling of a tale, each installment or episode, should if the teller or author is relaying a saga, sync up in a relatively linear progression of ideas and events. Thus the teller or author brings order to chaos and a clearly understandable meaning to the audience.

    A blog is not considered to be a traditional medium for storytelling. Stories, very episodic ones at that can be related in a blog, true. But on the whole such relations are incidental. Blogs are excellent theaters for self-discovery, certainly, and others may glean the lessons related therein from them. Blogs may have themes and even utilize story arcs. Blogs may have an obvious protagonist on a journey, sometimes comic, dramatic or heroic even, but that does not make a Blog according to the MLA -no matter how many smaller stories may be contained therein- a story in and of itself. A Blog, unlike traditional mediums for storytelling, unlike traditional stories, conveys something or a series of somethings that have no clearly defined beginning, middle or end; that is the theme of a Blog.

    I am a self-professed arm-chair sociologist and rebel however. I like to fly in the face of convention. I am officially declaring this Blog my attempt to forge something out of the ether that proves otherwise. I think it may be high time for something new. I believe that Blogs can be both a type of autobiography and documentary. Therefore I personally make the conjecture that Blogs should be considered a type of not only saga, but also officially a type of interactive story, despite the fact that they have no clearly defined beginning, middle or end. If journaling can work for a little Jewish girl with a diary, and antenarrative can work for adventurous theater goers, they should both work for the Bloggers of the world too. I propose that the only defining and necessary elements of a story are theme, protagonist, support-characters, incident arc and a possibility of conclusion.




    February 03

    movin on up

    Tonight, George and Weezy are on my mind. I have been thinkin about how people come from strife and adversity to rise to the top. Who else could possibly come to mind but George and Weezy?

    When I was a child and The Jeffersons was on the air in prime time, I watched the sit-com as most children watch television sit-coms. I understood as a child because I thought as a child. I loved the situation comedy and was 'not right' according to my parents if I missed an episode. I loved the eccentricity, antics & naivety of Bentley; the way George pimp-walked and interacted with everyone in the most racist, sexist, inflammatory, and secretly -albeit underhanded- generous ways; the fact that there was a happily wed, successful interracial couple the Willis' with well adjusted, happy, intelligent and successful children on TV; Ms. Jefferson's indulgent, acidic sweetness; Florence's sarcasm, faith, temper, adaptability and quick wit; Weezy's dutifully submissive, good-humored, inexhaustible and tolerant love of her hard-working, shrewd, successful, argumentative and loving husband; Lionel's honorable, open-minded, passionate, intelligent, confident -occasionally arrogant & stubborn- navigation of the people and situations in his world.

    I loved and still love The Jeffersons. I wanted to be like Lionel when I grew up, he was a good man and never took things for granted. He took the lessons of his life with grace and valor. He loved all of those that were in his life fiercely and independently. He found his way in the world, to his manhood, not forgetting where he came from, honoring his parents and making them inordinately proud.

    It is strange the things children can learn from TV.

    As it turned out, I ended up as the one character that was most like me from the get go though. I ended up like Tom and Helen's son. Now, for those of you familiar with the show, Jenny's brother, Allen, was a prodigal rebel, a troubled, but a very socially conscious guy. He left home at an early age after some delinquency issues, to live in Paris 'passing' as a white man because he could not deal with the racism that he faced as a 'light, bright and damn-near white' black man in 1970's New York. He left home on bad terms with his Father and breaking his Mother's heart. It took him a good minute to get comfortable in his own skin. It took him a good minute to realize that though he loved his family passionately, he was disaffected by his experience of the world and circumstances of his youth. He left to seek out those more like himself in a place where he could live his truth and be himself unfettered by the oppression of his personal origins. His experience of the 'global culture' changed him. It made him a more confident, committed and better person. It helped him to grow as a man, reconcile with his family, live as what he was in his own skin and eventually become a successful man that lived without shame or fear. In the end, he took the harder road, but still became a good man like Lionel.

    I am Tom and Helen's son.

    Sometimes, the only education that matters, the only one that effects us on the deepest levels, is the one we get from 'the school of hard knocks'. Sometimes, no matter how easy or hard our beginnings are, the only way we gain wisdom is by making mistakes and bad choices. Lionel and Allen both had hard childhoods, each in it's own way. Lionel and Allen both made some bad choices and turned out alright in the end. The reason they turned out alright, was because they learned the same lessons. Allen took longer than Lionel to do it, but eventually, through a lot of pain he became the 'do right light, bright and damn-near white, black man' that he was born to be. standing up not only to George's racist insults but all of society, offering a generation of bi and multi-racial African-Amercian children like myself an example of not only 'how not to do it', but also 'how to fix it once you have'.

    Now, I have not 'passed' as white, race is nothing more than an analogy here. That is not what I am talking about when I say I am Tom and Helen's son. What I am talking about is being comfortable as ones self, being comfortable with being honest about who and what you are. All of us have dirty secrets and deep closets that rarely see light to hide those secrets in. Some of us hide them to spare others, some because we want to forget, some because we just don't like to talk about our pain. It is part of being human. The catch is though, we each need to understand, that there will come a time when we each need to open our closet and clean it the fuck out, there ain't but so much room to stuff shite in.

    Shame and fear were in my closet. Shame and fear have come out. That is what I mean by I am Tom and Helen's son.

    There have been some things that have been burdening my mind of late. I have taken a lot of hits, I have thrown some nasty punches in return. Let me clarify some things for those of you that are confused. I am not here in this blog or in this new state to runaway. I am not here in this blog or this new state to make others hurt or suffer. I am here, in this blog and new state to live my truth and get comfortable in my own skin.

    I have a slave here, her name is Onion. She has a husband and four kids. We do not 'fuck', there is no need. She is my girlfriend in the sense that she is the woman I am emotionally intimate and completely vulnerable with. She is more than a girlfriend in the sense that I am committed to keeping her in my life for as long as she would have my attentions. I love her deeply, more so than I ever had faith to think I'd be able to. Some of the reasons I love her so deeply are because she sees me, hears me, makes every effort to know me, please me and to anticipate my needs and desires. I would be a fool not to realize that she is the slave -Hel, the womyn- I have been waiting for in all my years as a Man and Master.

    Onion and I have complicated and very limited lives as individuals. There are constraints that keep us from going farther than where we are right now. Unless the Gods Themselves see fit to change those circumstances in favor of something more, things with Onion and I shall remain as 'it is what it is and it be what it be'. Neither one of us are going anywhere. She compliments and completes me, and I her.

    Onion has a good heart. She is saucy, forgiving to a fault at times, compassionate, vulnerable, selfless, nurturing and generous. She is slightly obsessive, impatient, shrewd and a little self-destructive. These are traits that I have always found attractive in females. These traits in a female, appeal greatly to my whole 'bad-boy' & 'knight in dark armor' complexes. I have known many good womyn that have shared these qualities. In point of fact, I have at one time or another believed that every womyn I have felt love for has shared in these qualities. To be honest all of these traits are turn on for me. That is why the females that have appealed to me in the past have done so. I have something to work with and something to save them from. The positive traits make them a match for what I feel I need in my life. The negative traits make them people that need discipline and guidance, placing them squarely in the category of people that need me and what I can provide.

    When I left 'Unwholsylvania', I left it because I was frustrated. I was frustrated with the stagnation of everything there. I was frustrated with the people there. I was frustrated with myself. I am a 'control freak', and there I had no sense of control. Even my self-control had faded in my own eyes. The first thing I had learned as a Master was the age old Chinese axiom, "One can not Master others until he has first Mastered himself". The second thing I learned as a Master, was another axiom, 'To live is to obey, to obey is to live.' Now, it is not legal in the US to kill an errant TPE slave last time I checked. It is also not very honest TPE slavery for a TPE slave to claim that they give you everything they are and have, and then fight you tooth and nail every inch of the way because of fear and shame.

    I am not criticizing my former slaves. I am stating a fact. I have this internal issue, a mental hiccup that tells me constantly that if a slave fails, to look to the Master.

    I exhausted my wits trying to find where I went wrong with my most recent former slaves. I am here, in this blog and in this state to figure out where I went wrong. I have figured out somethings thus far. I know I failed to rise to those challenges, not because I was weak, but because I had chosen to stand on weak ground. I did not keep true to myself because of shame and fear, the fears and shame of others as well as of myself. Doubt and compromise had crept into my spirit and I lost my purpose. I felt worn down and subverted at every turn. As a result those slaves could not stay true to themselves or to me. By the time I got a grip of myself, the damage had gone too far. They were no longer capable of depending on me as they should have been, and I was no longer capable of relying on them to to act or serve as they should. Trust has been destroyed and communication had broken down.

    Let me make this crystal clarion for anyone that can read this, learn from my mistake. The major thing I have thus far figured out about what went wrong? I will not be forced, physically or through behavior modification, to compromise. A Dominant should care for, cherish, discipline and protect the TPE slave's in his care, but please do not think that I am going to care one whit, ever again unless it suits my own desire at the given moment, whether or not a self-confessed TPE slave 'likes' what I am doing. I shall not ever again, lay my pearls before swine, giving everything I am to receive only partial recompense in return. I am through with being kind and patient when what a slave needs is either permanently released or just good ole beaten down. I am through listening to words that are proven lies by action. I am through caring about petty excuses. I want full on or not at all. I have full on now, so if a TPE slave is half-ass, I will not waste my time. There shall be no reasoning or conditional exchange. I have figured out that the love and devotion I receive can and should be tempered by fear of not only my wrath, but of losing me.

    What gave me the wisdom to realize it was time to exit stage right? Try having a Goddess appear before you and tell you face to face that if your 'slaves' are so willing to be so vicious in their competition against each other for your undivided attention that they must realize they have one Hel of a good thing to lose. The funniest thing about it? I traded up. I am movin up. I am living my truth and comfy in my skin. I am strong and on strong ground. I have what I need and want.

    It takes a fool to look at me and demand that I give them anything they dishonored when they had, willingly pissed away and certainly have not earned back. If I can't trust my TPE slave with my freedom and my name, than they are not my slave. If I can not trust anyone I know with anything I got, I will not keep them around.